Single parents have it hard. To an extent. Yes, they are doing the work of two parents, especially if the other parent isn't in the picture at all. But when it comes to rules in the home, single parents may have it easier. When I left my oldest's dad, my son was not even 3 yet. He had visits with his dad, and transition back into the house after those visits were hard because the rules weren't the same. Eventually he got to where he was at the age he understood, the rules in my home are the rules you need to go with when you're home.
It was easy. I didn't have another parent in the home telling me my rules were harsh or stupid. I had things my way and disciplined my way, though my son was under 3 I didn't really have much of a problem with the rules yet.
Not long after my son turned 3, I met the man who would soon become my husband. At first it wasn't so hard as he was new, just my boyfriend, therefore telling me my rules were stupid, he had no place.
When we got married and had children, that's when it became an issue. We were definitely not on the same page. Worse yet is he would say he understood or agreed with my rules or discipline action, but never went through with it. How are you supposed to have a successful parenting relationship when both parents aren't on the same page or even close.
Sometimes things he enforces seems really harsh, but when it comes to me making rules, enforcing them, or disciplining actions that need it, he doesn't so much agree. How is that?
Well, if I really sit back and look at it. I'm sure a lot of people can agree with me as well. When you have a blended family, you kind of have different sets of rules. What's good for one isn't good for the other. Though I could sit there and tell my husband that is what he is doing, he will, until he is blue in the face, argue that it is not. He is hardest on my oldest, for whatever reason. I don't know if it's out of spite that he isn't his own child or what, but when I try to enforce rules to his children, I don't like them that is why I am doing it.
What now? That is far from the truth. I enforce rules to help myself and that child, and this family. Why should I let one get away with something the other one isn't getting away with? For real! The fact that the children he brought into this marriage are older than the one I brought along or the ones we have, there are different scenarios that obviously are happening quicker than the ones we have together.
I am not a bad parent. But I don't need someone telling me I am doing something wrong when it comes to parenting or enforcing rules. Especially my husband. I think what really irks me is that I will tell the child no and he will give in. Or the child would get disciplined for something and turn around and he allows it. Or best yet, the fact that I will go to him about the older children and I'm only bringing it up because I don't like them. Where are you getting this information? This is worse when it comes down to the fact that there is a lack of respect to the adults raising you. When you don't respect me, I have a problem. I don't honestly care if you like me, but I am raising you now, you respect me. I'm not in your life to be your friend, I am your parent, you live in my house, you are part of my family, and you abide by my rules. Without attitude.
A lot more nowadays it seems like things are discussed behind my back. Like what is so secretive that can't be discussed with me, or best yet don't minimize or hide what was discussed. That isn't cool. I'm the adult here too and I'm entitled to know what's going on in my home and in my family and with our children.
I talk to my friend about issues with the kids and his kids as well. Oh my goodness is it ever a mirrored story. We are what you could consider the disciplinarians. The spouses are the "give-in-ers" and the ones the children can go to to get their ways.
I get so irritated when I have to discipline my kids whether time out or grounding. They will end up getting off time out or off grounding sooner than later because my husband doesn't want to hear the whining about it.
How does this really make a good parenting team if you're not on the same page? How exactly do you get on the same page? I am not saying I'm always correct with the rules or enforcing them or disciplining the children but a little compromising on these issues would definitely get us on the same page.
After almost 9 years, I shouldn't have to feel like I have to walk on eggshells when it comes to the older children. By this time I should be able to discipline as necessary and not be accused that I don't like them. I don't like the fact that some of them have disrespect for me and even my husband but I don't hate them. And seriously why would I stress my life out if I only said things to my husband because I hated his older children? Please.
So how do you get on the same page? Or will this be like this forever?